Plagiarism 2

Dwarf Chaos Theme
Instrumental

Joe
written by Rusty Spell

I couldn't love you in a hundred years.
I'd sooner die under a hundred spears.
I've been through heartache with a hundred queers,
But just for you I cried a hundred tears.

You've asked forgiveness now a thousand times:
On the phone, you spent a thousand dimes;
Outside my window, sung a thousand rhymes;
But you're still sour as a thousand limes.

God damn it, I said no.
I might forget everything I know.
I might forget the Alamo,
But I won't forget you hurt me, Joe.
So, baby, quit your shit and go.

I wouldn't take you for a million pounds,
Not for chocolate, not a million Mounds.
You want to fight with me a million rounds,
But I'll release on you a million hounds.

Hey, asshole, I said go.
Why don't you catch a plane to Tokyo?
We've already had our toe to toe.
I've sung for you my song of woe:
Do re mi fa so la te do.

Motherfucking stupid ho,
This isn't funny now, I'll have you know.
So you can hear me, I will speak real slow.
Listen closely now: I hate you, Joe.
I hope you burn in hell below.
So, darling, please just go.

I Think I'd Wanna Know (If I Was You)
written by Rusty Spell

I think I'd wanna know if I was you
If I had a woman who wasn't being true.
Even if she says that she loves you,
I think I'd wanna know if I was you.

I know you've got a woman across town.
You shine like a firecracker whenever she's around.
But if she takes more than her due,
I think I'd wanna know if I was you.

I think I'd wanna know if I was you
If I had a woman who wasn't being true.
Even if there's nothing you could do,
I think I'd wanna know if I was you.

Yeah, and I know it's none of mine.
Yeah, and you might think that I'm lying.
Oh, but I what I tell you, son, is true,
And I think I'd wanna know if I was you.

I think I'd wanna know if I was you
If I had a woman who wasn't being true.
I'm sorry if the news here makes you blue,
But I think I'd wanna know if I was you.

John Waters
written by Rusty Spell with adlibs by Rusty Spell and Carrie Hoffman

Nobody knows where me and my sugar goes,
But we're ready to tell. Gather round and listen! I've got the shell!

We're gonna go to the water. We're gonna go to the deep deep waters.
We're gonna go to the water. We're gonna go to the water!

What kind of waters?

We're gonna go to the John Waters.
John Waters! Oh yeah...

- Hello, nice to meet you. I'm Sandra, and I like to go to the John Waters too.
- Sandra?
- Take me there now!
- You gotta show me how much you wanna go.
- I wanna go!
- Bad?
- Now!
- Show me, baby!
- Now!
- Show me how much you wanna go!
- Ahhhhh!
- Oh, that's pretty good.
- But who are you?
- Well, I'll tell you who I am, baby.
- Who are you?

Well, let me tell you who I am...
My name is Darron. I've got a daughter named Cranberry!

Little Johnny Waters... Water water...

C'mon C'mon C'mon
written and adlibbed by Rusty Spell

Are you gonna leave me hangin' here?
All my friends are waitin' outside.
Sweaty palms, sweaty sweaters.
Are you gonna leave me hangin' here?

I'm in the closet. You're in the closet.
Three more inches and I'm in heaven now.
Sweaty faces and sweaty backsides.
Are you gonna c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, girl now?

C'mon, c'mon, c'mon. C'mon, c'mon, girl now...

Please now, baby, don't leave me hangin'.
It's embarrassing to me now.
I'm so anxious. I'm so nervous.
C'mon, baby baby, and just do the service.

Lips and hair and skin and oh my god.
Oh my my my baby, now don't leave me hangin'.
Can I say now, baby, that I love you?
I'll say whatever. Just c'mon, baby girl now.

Only three more inches, baby, and I'm in heaven with you.
Two more inches, baby, and I'm in heaven with you.
One more inch, and a few buttons, baby, and I'm in heaven with you.

Oh, buttons and buttons and buttons and zippers.
Sweaty and sweaty. Sweaty, sweaty pants now.
Buttons and buttons, buttons and zippers.
Sweaty sweaty sweaty, and buckles and straps now.
Take off the buttons. Take off the straps now.
Take off the zippers. Take off the buttons now.
Come on, break 'em. I don't even care now.
C'mon, c'mon, baby. C'mon, c'mon, girl now.

C'mon, c'mon, c'mon. C'mon, baby girl now...

Don't!
written by Rusty Spell

Suddenly you're at my place tonight,
A shadow in the light, ready for a fight.
Never mind your anger, hate, and spite.
I know our awful plight, that you're the one who's right.

I'm irrational and cruel and mean. I'm nothing but a love machine.
I have never have your best interests in mind.
I am nothing but my fantasies, and you just got caught up with me.
And you're ready to just walk away. All right. All right, but listen…

Don't turn your back on love.
She'll stab you every time,
Right in your spine,
And then dig deeper.

Don't turn your back on love.
Don't let her make you blind.
Let her make you divine.
Please make your choice tonight.

This is not about what's right or wrong.
It's about our beautiful song. You knew this all along.
So unfair. So yeah. So what? So long.
I've yearned to sing this song. I've struck the loudest gong.

Your so-called "normal love affairs" have never made you walk on air.
They gave you only comfort, not fire.
The simple fact that I can't care is nothing but my cross to bare.
I know nothing is better than desire. So you'd best listen…

I Saw the Grass
adlibbed by Rusty Spell

I saw the grass when you spanked my shiny ass.
Yes, I saw the grass. You were so resplendent in your shiny jewels (family jewels).
Made us feel like fools, but we were smarter for it anyway (valedictorians of our class),
Because, yes, I saw the grass (saw the class). I knew it would come to pass.
I saw the grass coming on down so very fast (coming on down my ass).

I saw you in the mirror. (I saw you in my house.)
I saw you when you hit me (sticking a mouse in your ass).
I saw you when you took me on in my ass (I saw the grass), my shiny ass. (I saw the grass.)
You made it come so fast.

Why did you make me come so fast (in my shiny ass)?
You knew I liked to last all day (cause you're gay).
Why did you make my shiny ass?
Why did you make me feel like I was some kind of gay (motherfucking gay wad)?

I'm not a gay person. (You're a faggot supreme.)
It's just you look a woman with your balls hanging from your grass.
(Mean Joe Green was a faggot. He was a faggot linebacker.)

Your grass is so thick that I didn't see your penis.
You tricked me so good.
You tricked me just like a lover would (tricked me with your tricky dick, your faggot penis).

From this day forward, I'll be fooled no more.
From this day forward, I'll reluctantly become your whore,
(Strap a gorilla, a gorilla dildo to my ass.)
Cause I saw the grass and my shiny ass.
(Your shiny gorilla baboon rainbow-colored ass.)
You felt me up with my, inside my shiny ass.
(Every color of the rainbow on your ass, on your baboon ass.)
Milking my shiny ass till I went on the grass.
Had to clean it up with a doggy scraper (pooper scoop).

Variable
written by Rusty Spell

Il y a du soleil. Il fait beau.
Il fait froid. Il fait chaud.
Il neige. Il y a du vent.
Il y a du brouillard. Il pleut.
Il gèle. Un orage.
Éclaircies. Un cochon.
Variable...

If you want love, you must first change.
To be changed, you must give up yourself.
To give up yourself is to become God.
To do that is to die.

Song for Nora
written by Rusty Spell

This song is a bit premature, but I just couldn't wait for you, because you're taking way too long.
This song isn't one of those songs that's all sappy about how you do things that are special to me,
Cause you're not even born, but when you are, I will play this near your crib.

Your mom is a sweet pretty girl, and she gave those things to you, and I: I gave you some stuff too.
You never should feel all alone, cause you'll always have your home, and we're so proud now you're all grown.
We're getting old and gray. You ran away to college yesterday.

Little Nora...

I should feel pretty dumb writing this, little Nora, but I don't. And, oh, you might be Hank instead.

Why Why Why?
written by Rusty Spell

I don't know why when we are at school that you treat me the way you do. The other people come around. They're holding hands. They're so in love. But you never hold hands with me. You always keep your distance. You said you loved me, but then you treat me so bad. When we're at home, you sometimes hold my hand, and sometimes you just want to listen to the radio, which I like, but why can't I hold your hand and do it too?

Why why why do you treat me so bad?
Why why why? So many good times we should have had.
Why why why do you treat me so bad?
Why why why? I will have to leave you and find someone who can treat me not bad.

I see the stars at night. They're so bright and so in love with the universe. The moon is looking down on me and asking why I'm not in love. The moon has love and the sun too. Why do I even love you? I would like to be an astronaut in space so I could find the love in the Milky Way. I would bring it down to earth and keep it for myself, but I would also like to share some love with you, but you wouldn't want it anyway. You only want to be by yourself. You might as well live out in space, instead of here with me. Why do you do these things to me?

Why why why do you treat me so bad?
Why why why? So many good times we should have had.
Why why why do you treat me so bad?
Why why why? I will have to leave you and find someone who can treat me not like you do.

Your Best Friend
written by Rusty Spell

You can't even tie your shoes without a man to help you.
You could never sing the blues. You've never had a bad day in your life.
Getting friends like Ginsu knives, but you're the one who cuts them.
Making them submissive wives, your every wish is their command.

But if I could hold your hand, I would relish in the punishment you have,
Cause I want to be your best friend.

Oh, I want to be your best friend, though I don't like you.
I really want to be the person you rely on.
I really want to be your best friend, though I despise you.
I really want to be the person you need more than anyone else.

You can't even wipe your ass without someone back there,
And I want to do that task. Don't think I'm kidding now.
Though I think that you're a sow, a piggish little hussy,
Just you watch me when I bow. Your every wish is my command,

Cause I want to hold your hand. I'll walk in darkness through your golden shiny land,
Cause I want to be your best friend.

Coming To Me
adlibbed by Rusty Spell

Ice age coming fast. Ice age coming to me.
It'll be a blast, you know, when it comes right to me.
Ice age coming fast. Ice age is so near me.
Ice age is so fast, you know. It's coming right to fear me.

Yeah. It's coming to me...
(But) (No) (Because) I don't mind what's coming to me...

Ice age coming fast. Ice age coming to me.
It'll be a blast, you know, when it comes right to me.
Ice age is so fast. Ice age is so near now.
Ice age is so fast, you know, that I will show no fear now.