Plagiarism

Mr. Death
written by Rusty Spell

There is a guy whose name is Fred.
Some say he’s messed up in the head.
He made electric chairs and he said
That six million who died were never dead.

He’s Mr. Death (and should we pity this man?).
He’s Mr. Death (what was his ultimate plan?).
He’s Mr. Death (he had a hammer and a chisel too).
He’s Mr. Death (I’m glad that I’m not him, aren’t you?).
He’s Mr. Death.

He never wore a double S.
His honeymoon was such a mess.
His tests were ridiculous at best.
He was overcome by his hubris.

Mr. Death was dedicated to destroying lives in the most humane way possible. His reputation with the electric chair allowed him to further his career with a lethal injection machine, a gas chamber, and even a gallows. When the time came to destroy national shrines, Mr. Death was the only man for the job. Equipped with a maniac smile and a Zip-Lock bag, Mr. Death attempted to change history forever, but only changed his own destiny.

And I Shudder
written by Rusty Spell

He was feeling so unimportant,
His member sagging low to the ground.
She came along that day to claim him.
He’d never seen her pretty face around.

But when he got home,
His dog was there panting,
Seeming to point out the flaw in his dreams.

And I shudder to think
That an animal can have intuition, and we can’t.
We only have ambition.
Oh, and I shudder to think
That we believe every superstition, but ants
Have got it all figured out. (Mm-hm.)

Her mind wondered and wandered into the cul-de-sac.
Her breasts were dry as dust.
When he took her into his shiny Cadillac,
They did what anyone must.

But when she got home,
Her cat was there wailing,
Seeming to scream out the flaw in her dreams.

I want you no matter what the cost.
Let’s drive until we become lost.
Oh, I want you no matter what the cost.
Let's drive until we become lost.
We’ll find our way out somehow.

Streaked Statue
adlibbed by Rusty Spell

I got my hands streaked with motor oil today.
I was doing everything for you, with your pretty dress and your smile.
I thought you'd return the payment somehow,
But you didn't. You didn't.

You just walked away from me...
Now you're paying the penalty.

You better know that I'm gonna get my revenge somehow.
You better know that I'm gonna get it before the next decade is over.

You better watch your back.
You better watch out now, girl.
You better watch out now, woman,
Cause you're gonna get it.
You're gonna get it today.

Somebody told me, somebody told me about a statue in the park.
Birds had done their business all over it,
Well yeah, well yeah, well that's how I feel today.
That's how I feel. That's how I feel today.

Oh, you've done your business on me.
You've done your business on me, baby.
And I'm gonna pay you back.
I'm gonna pay you back: I'm gonna come out of the statue,
And I'm gonna haunt you, baby.
I'm gonna haunt you, baby.

A Tatter
written by Rusty Spell

Why’d you have to kiss me on the mattress?
Was I your favorite mistress,
Or was it William? Tell.
He told you so very well.

Why’d you have to avoid any witness?
Did it have to do with fitness?
Was I too fat for you as well?
I promise you, you’ll burn in hell.

Meet me after school in your gym locker.
I’ll wear your favorite knickers.
I’ll help you with your math.
You know that you have to pass.

Once upon a time you were my stalker,
But now I’m the only talker
In this relationship. I guess
That we can still call it that.

You’re all that matters.
I want to live with you in Dundee.
My heart’s a tatter.
Just one word, speak to me.

Why’d you go and break my hymen?
I was never fond of gay men.
I was only fond of you.
Now what am I supposed to do?

What did you think you would get accomplished?
Was I even on your prom list?
Or was it Arthur all the time?
My anger now is so sublime.

I Don’t Mind
written by Rusty Spell

I don’t mind, but why do you care about me so?
Take your time. When you talk please do it slow.
You’re all mine. Grab my butt and tell me so.

Oh girl, you’ve been my girlfriend for so long.
Oh girl, you know the words, now sing along.

Seventeen
written by Rusty Spell

You say I need to come up with more chords.
You say I need to come up with more words.
But you are only sixteen and you’re bored.
Everything will become clear when you turn seventeen.

I’m seventeen years old today.
I’m looking at life in a new and exciting way.
The girls who hate me now -- though I write them a song -- will go away,
Cause I’m seventeen years old today.

You say my rock band plays too loud.
You say to give up on it now.
But when you’re my age I will be proud,
Cause then we can both leave this town at seventeen.

But in the meantime, girl, I’ll sing this song.
One day you’ll understand when you are grown.
Who knew that we’d have lasted for so long?
Since age fifteen our love has become strong. Now I'm seventeen.

Time Will Not Slow
written by Rusty Spell

I walk through the trees. I walk there with you.
We talk in the breeze, on the morning dew.

My love picked a rose. He gave it to me.
It died when the snows fell on eternity.

You try to hold onto the past, my love. You try to hold on to me.
But time passes on and time will not slow.
Time cannot change, but you and I will remain.

I gave you a kiss. You returned it to me.
You told me your wish, what was meant to be.

The Iguana
adlibbed by Rusty Spell

Gonna jam, gonna take yo money tonight. (That's right, Biggie.)
We gonna spread yo jelly on the iguana. (Spread it.)
Gonna spread that jelly on the iguana tonight. (Gonna spread it, the jelly on the iguana.)
You sure look a fright, baby. Uh huh, you sure look a fright. Uh huh.

Gonna spread the iguana toninght. (We gonna spread the iguana tonight.)
Gonna spread the iguana, baby. Isn't that right?

Oh, baby, gonna spread the iguana tonight. (We gonna spread the iguana tonight.)
We gonna gonna spread the iguana tonight. (We gonna spread the iguana tonight.)

We gonna spread the iguana tonight.
We gonna do it all right.

Black Hole Noodles
written by Rusty Spell

She’s the queen of the county.
She’s the queen of the universe. Oh oh.
She’s the queen of the city.
She’s the queen of the atmosphere. Oh oh.

She called me a funny name.
She called me a funny name, oh yeah. Oh oh.
She told me of a funny game.
She told me this funny game. Oh oh.

She said:
God is throwing us all into these little black holes. Oh yeah, oh oh.
And when we all come out at the end of time, he’ll use us for spaghetti. Yeah, oh oh.
We’ll all be noodles in his mouth. No telling where we’re coming out. Oh oh.
I asked if we’d see the light of day, but she didn’t know or refused to say. Oh oh.
(God dang. Yeah, oh oh oh oh oh.)

She’s a beach blanket.
She’s the other side of the ocean. Oh oh.
She’s my long Sunday drive.
She’s outta gas and hitchin’ a ride. Oh oh.

Oooh
adlibbed by Rusty Spell

You've got incredibly sexy legs.
You know just the right way to beg.
And you do, and it pleases me so much
I can't get away from you.

Take me where you go.
Don't do it slow.
I'm a laid-back kind of guy,
But I want to get there fast.
Take me where you go.
Don't do it slow.

Oooh, I want you, baby.
Oooh, I want you.
I'm up here on the stage for you.
I'll be backstage for you.
I'll make it to any stage for you.
I want you. Oooh.

You've got incredibly sexy hair.
You've got a penetrating stare.
And I want you to be aware
That I'll take you, go with you, anywhere. Anywhere.

Oooh, I wanna go with you.
I've got a Porsche out back,
And it is a convertable too.
We can leave my boys behind,
Leave them there all night,
Cause they won't mind.
Oooh. They know I'm in love with you, baby.
Oooh, they know I'm in love with you. Oh.

Angela
written by Rusty Spell

Her car is a blade. She’s the sun in the shade.
I’m Jamaica Kincaid, cause I feel like a little girl.
She’s a renegade. She’s a Christmas parade.
My hand she has staid, cause I’m in love with this girl.

Her name is Angela! I’m walking on water. You could walk on my heart.
Oh, Angela! I’m parting the red sea. You can play any part.
(Angela! All right! Oh yeah! Uh huh! Angela! That's right! Yeah, yeah, one two one yeah! Angela!)

Her car can fold out to a boat or a plane.
She can turn off the left or the right side of her brain.
She can mix Cherry Coke with a bottle of champagne.
She’s gun down more men than the Duke, John Wayne.

Born for Me
written by Rusty Spell

She was born with her eyes wide open.
She was born with her nose off her face.
And the way she looked at me made me choke on my saliva.
I had to kneel beside the bed.

There was spoilt milk on the beside table.
There was a funeral flower in a homemade glass vase.
And the smell all around her, and the smell of Carolina...
I knew she was born, she was born for me.

She was born for me.
And I knew I had to take her home,
Though I knew it wouldn’t be easy.
Oh oh oh oh oh oh.

The car wouldn’t fly, so I made some paper airplanes,
And I threw them so high that they knocked down all her pencils.
When they crashed onto her chest, she discovered her own laughter,
And I floated off instead.

Way up there, I thought I saw her screaming,
So I came back down and whispered in her ear.
She bit me on the lip and I thanked God for teething.
I knew she was born, she was born for me.

She was born for me.
And I knew the drive would be so long.
And the universe was folding in as we spoke.
Oh oh oh oh oh oh.

My parents died
When I brought her in the house that day.
They couldn’t see beyond her face.
They couldn’t see I loved her.
They couldn’t see I wet my pants.
They had rubber-banded ceilings.
Someone tried to hurt my feelings,
But I chose to die with her in the shed.